Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Three Mistakes of My Life-1

Allow me to start this blog with a disclaimer. The title of this blog has nothing to do with the recent novel of Chetan Bagath. It's solely intended to pull the crowd to read this. However my blog narrates about the mischief for which I got caught by our warden Rudri. Enjoy the post.

“Warden Sir is calling you,” said the hostel watchmen. I checked my watch. It was 3 PM, which means that I had slept an hour extra bunking my FM lab. I leaned to the wall lazily and said, “What is it regarding Achari, had his wife eloped with some one?” “No Sir looks like you have messed up some thing”. “He is waiting in the office” he said and left the place.

I pulled on my rugged jeans, wore my bathroom slippers and left for the office in the adjacent building thinking what has made Rudrappa to call me. I have done many mischiefs of late, but was wondering for which one I am going to get convicted now. He was our maths lecturer cum warden. A stone faced, pig eyed, six-foot tall personality . Also the most feared creature in hostel as well as in the college. So messing up with him was indeed a costlier and a risky affair.

“Good Afternoon Sir” I said keeping an innocent smile. He lifted his head from the book and looked at me pushing his specticles closer to his eyes. “What makes you feel that you are very naughty?” he asked me with a cruel smile. “Naughty??” “Oh you mean smart sir”? I asked him knowing his appetite to speak English. In this process he actually assassinates the language. Ignoring my effort to correct his language he gave an angry stare and said, “Tell me what ever mistakes you have done and I will let you go off”. “Do I look like a dumb ass to you Rudri?” I thought.

“Sir you know me well. I am not involved in ragging (I initiate it and lead it), or playing cricket in hostel rooms (I actually play Foot Ball) or watching movies in the system (Happens 24X7)”.

“You know what this is?” he pushed an open notebook towards me. It came sliding on the glass table and I stopped the book to avoid it falling off the table. I looked at the long note. It had columns like name, in time and reason for coming late. “Now I know why I am here” I thought and said “ this is a late night entry book”. These days I was coming very late to the hostel owing to the combined study in my friend’s room that ended up watching a movie in Galaxy theatre that is near by our campus. By the time I reach the hostel it used to be 2 AM, and I had to climb up and jump the 10-foot high compound gate. I was able to get in but could never escape from the eyes of the security gaurd. He religiously used to take my signatures and then let me go off. It wasn’t just me who did this but there were few others who followed this elevated path.

“Read those lines that are marked in red in every page,” he commanded. I saw the register. It was maintained date wise.

There was no other go but to read it loud.“22nd (3 AM)” I read the name “Salman Khan”. Since the in time for hostel is 11PM, to maintain my identity disguised, I had entered these names in the register. “Read the “reason for coming late”” he barked at me. “Meeting Aishwarya Rai” I said without lifting my head to avoid making an eye contact with him. “Next” he said as I turned the page. “25th (2AM) Azaruddin” . “Meeting who???” he said and stopped to recollect “…aaa Sonali Bendre!!” is it? “No Sir” I said lowering my voice “It’s Sangeetha Bizlani”. “Shut up” He snapped a news paper on table “What’s next?” “Sir” I said with a worried tone “ 29th August 3 AM” he raised his hand and gestured me to stop. “haaa…” he said remembering ”under the column name it’s written Anil Kumble” and the reason for coming late is “Match Fixing” is that right?” he asked me with a winning smile. I did not want to mess up the situation by correcting him again for naming my favorite cricketer Anil Kumble instead of Vinod Kambli, which I had written there. I agreed to it with a nod. He continued “There are many names like this including our late Prime Minister Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru , who came late after meeting Lady Mountbatten and Mr. Clinton who came late after meeting Lewinsky. He looked at me expecting an explanation for this.

I can still bluff and get away from the situation, since the security guy was an illiterate. But next time when I will I get caught, I would get screwed up royally. I looked at him apologetically and said, “I know, it’s very tough to commit a mistake and escape from an intelligent person like you.” His chest doubled and the eyes shined when I told him Intelligent. He immediately reverted back to his original angry dog face trying to hide his feelings of being pleased. “I accept that I have done it and as your student whatever punishment you give I would accept it”. “No it’s a naughty mistake” he said with a light smile. “I know that I am a good actor” I thought and said, “I am sorry Sir, I would not repeat it again” giving a tensed smile. Gazing his reaction I asked “Shall I go now Sir” I turned.
“Not before you admit your second mistake” I heard the cold voice of Rudri from back.
(To be continued)
Three Mistakes of My Life-1SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Walk the Talk


“Can you hold my internals?” he asked me as we just crossed the first floor. “Sure Sir” with a smile I took them carefully in my hands. “Don’t crush them,” he said looking at the way I am holding them. “No sir, I am not” I adjusted them once.

I met our Maths prof Rudrappa, on the way to my classroom. He was going to take the class for our section. As both of us were late to the class, only we were left in the corridor while all others were in their respective classrooms. We took the stairs together to reach the class. “Sir Happy New Year” I said breaking the silence between us. “Oh!” he looked at me and greeted “Vice versa” with a broad smile.

“So young man how you celebrated the New Year”. I thought for a sec and said “Sir I have been to Sai baba’s Temple yester day, as it was Thursday” (and I can see all our college girls there). “Yeah I know…later you went to Raj Bhavan with your friends for a Disco” he said giving a weird smile. I looked at him appalled “You should’ve applied for the post of a Sniffer Dog Rudri,” I thought.

“Sir how did you celebrated?” I asked him to avoid getting a free lecture on the topic “Today’s youth and their habits- both suck”. “I am a family man, what will I do” he stopped to catch up a breath “I spent time with my two daughters and one wife watching some shows on ETV Kannada”. “Two daughters Sir” I said with a flicker in my eyes which he didn't notice.

“Yes, two daughters. Unfortunately...” he paused to check if he brought his pen. It was there in his shirt pocket. “Unfortunately both are girls”. “Oh” I gave a sorry expression. This conversation is worth to be acted out in front of my friends I thought.

“Sir how is our class performance in your exam” I asked him. “Your section is G right?” he paused to recollect “It’s fine” he said. While keeping him busy with the conversation I was searching for my book in the bunch of internal exam books that I was carrying. I saw Antz’s paper first. He had scored 20 out of 25. Then I continued the search to look for my internal book.”. “Its section F’s performance that surprised me” Rudri said which I didn’t listen as I was busy in searching , while managing not to get caught by Rudri. “All the boys are toppers there”. I saw my name on a book. It displayed 18/25 in red color. “Good both of us got the average score of 15 now. So no need to write the third internals,” I thought happily. With a broad smile I turned to him. “It’s only the girls who are topless”. “What %@*?” I couldn’t believe what I have just heard. “Sir, where?” I almost shouted with astonishment. “It’s Section F,” he said wondering about my expression. “Holy F***, I should’ve been in Section F” I said to my self.

Then I realized “Oh it’s not that “Topless” he is talking about. “Forget it” I said to myself “There are better looking topless girls in my section in terms of marks”. As we entered the class, I kept the books on the table and went to sit beside Antz. “Why are you rotating with Rudri?” he asked me in Rudri’s language as I placed my bag on the desk. “Because he has two daughters” I said giggling “and the best part is…”

I gave a pause “Both are girls” I said laughing. “Silence” shouted Rudri. “All Sections of Sunayana madam scored well in the first internal, while mine scored bad” Rudri announced in a disappointment. Engineering Maths-2 for our batch was taken by Rudri as well as Sunayana Madam. She covered the portion for first internal in which all of us scored well. In the 2nd internals all of us scored low and incidentally Rudri had handled that portion. “Actually you see” he placed his palm over his tummy and smoothened the wrinkles of his safari and said “Sunayana Madam’s parts are soft, while mine is hard, so you scored less”.

“This would make the best lines for a sex comedy,” some one said from the back as entire class was fighting hard to control the laughter. “By any chance did you see our marks?” Antz asked me. “How can you think I miss it” I said and was telling him the scores while we heard Rudri barking at us.” Both of you three stand up,” he pointed towards us.

“Is it me Sir?” asked the guy who was sitting in front of our bench. “Not me behind me” he shouted in anger. “It’s me,” I said to the guy who was startled by the barking. “Come here” he said. By mistake the guy who was sitting next to us was also got pulled in to this. We went there praying the God not to put us in an embarrassing situation. “Follow me” he led us out of the class. He stopped abruptly “Now don’t follow me” he stamped his foot with anger and went in side the class.

We had no choice but to go to the library, as the show time of Galaxy (Mini Theater near our campus) is still3 hours away.

These kinds of funny incidents with Rudri were quite common in our college. He was able to assassinate English in his own way. His brain takes the inputs of the situations in Kannada, picks the relevant words in English and throws the output without caring for the grammar. Every sentence spoken by him made a best one liner joke we have ever come accross. But putting all of those incidents here would make this blog bigger than the Potter series, so I refrain doing that. Hope you enjoyed my tryst with the "Father of English".
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Saturday, July 12, 2008

Zero Gravity Part-2

"Does Attitude result in behavior or behavior forms an attitude" it was a chicken and egg question for me. Apart from this there were too many confusions to clear and too many concepts to digest with in a span of 3 months.(like FIRO Model, Individual Frame of Reference, Attributes and Behavior, Motivational theories, etc) The perfection in our Prof Arul's thoughts and the effective way of his teaching has made us to realize the greatness of OB. I started appreciating the subject and his teachings and the sad thing was that I could just appreciate it .


Thanks for the frequent meetings of us to strategize the study methodology, the Shetty's canteen made a good business out of it. We finally decided that each one of us will drill down one specific topic and explain it to others. I chose a relatively simpler topic. The team decided that instead of taking a walk around the campus after dinner, we all will walk to the class room to work on OB. I was against this decision since, I hated to study a theory subject after lunch or dinner for my own reasons. But as always I had to follow the majority, attend the extra class room sessions.

The days went fast while we were trying to make our selves comfortable with various concepts, the judgment day arrived. We had two exams to attend that day one systems related subject and in the afternoon it was OB. Even before the start of Systems exam, guys were busy revising OB. I saw Veni praying again, I was fed up with these scenes I turned the other side to spot possible information sources to complete the examination successfully. To my right a senior girl was sitting . I was turning to look the other side when I realized, she is one of the few girls who happens to be in my fortune 500 crush list.



While others were struggling to revise the portion they had completed yesterday night, I was struggling to start a conversation with a senior gal sitting next to me. Well the proven methodology to start the flirting inthis scenario is to talk about studies. I looked at the board there were two subjects were written in their code names SD and ITFM, "SD must be systems & designs and ITFM logically relates to IT" I thought for a second, turned towards that gal and said hai. She saw me with a question mark face and said a mild hai. "So you guys also have systems exam? Well you can help me then” I said smilingly.


She gave a confused smile and said “That’s a different subject, actually…”



“No you just write some thing, I will copy it from you” keeping my mischievous smile on, I continued “it doesn’t matter, after all it’s a same subject right” I stopped her before she could finish. I was trying to make the conversation more interested and occupied. I saw others also gave a smile and showed some attention to our conversation. I appreciated myself for easing up the exam tension of others.


“So what exactly ITFM means?” I asked her with continuing my smile.



“Information….Technology…..For…… Management” each word was stressed and was coming out with a mix of anger and frustration. But it was not the “Girl next Bench” who told this, it was Veni who was still continuing her angry stare. “Hey how do you know their subject? Cool yaar” I said to her without giving much importance to her look.


“Because it’s our subject” Karthi told me patting my shoulder with a broad smile while every one other in the class broke into a big laugh.I was totally embarrassed “well then SD isn’t it systems and…” before I could finish , the girl next bench said “its sales and distribution”.


“Ok, the results are out even before the exam started” I said to myself giving an embarrassed smile. I dug my face into the question paper while I was still sensing the angry stares of Veni.



Thankfully it was only the abbreviation of the subject that I was unaware of. The questions seemed quite ok and was able to finish the exam 30 minutes prior to given time. I rushed to our Mess.


After lunch, we had a brief discussion before leaving to the examination. This time it was only our batch who was writing the exam. The pattern of the paper was written on the black board which said “The exam comprises of two papers Part A 40 mins and Part B to be finished in an hour”. As the clock stroked, the invigilator came and distributed the paper.



“Part A” I read as it fell on my desk, I picked it up with mixed feelings of reluctance and fear as if it’s an alien piece that fell on earth. I held it with my finger tips, read it completely”. The paper was in “Fill in the blanks” format. “It could have been helpful if it was an objective type questionnaire” I thought. I opened the pen cap held the paper steadily on the desk by pressing it to fill int he two blanks which I was sure of. Of which, one was my name and another was the roll number.


I pitied my self for my situation and turned around to check others. I saw Tifosi eagerly waiting for the examiner to reach him and give the question paper. As I had nothing else to do with exam I was just watching how my friend Tifosi going to take this issue. The examiner gave the paper to Tifosi and turned back “Sir, give me Part B” Tifosi called him up.


“Well both can not be given at a time, you have 40 minutes to complete part A. After you are done you can take the other part”



“Well…” Tifosi paused and said “I am done with it, I have filled my name. You can take this and give Part B”. Taken back by surprise, the examiner walked back to Tifosi cursing silently about the dedication of today’s students. He took the paper and turned back, what he saw was the whole bunch of hands raised above the head, holding the question papers. The whole class proved to be allergenic towards OB.



The examiner sighed in despair, he collected all the papers and took the other bunch located on the far end of the table. Holding the bunch, he came near to my seat to start distributing from there. He gave the Part B and waited for few seconds expecting it to get it back with mandatory fields filled. I sensed his entity while reading the question paper and lifted my head to see him. He gave paper to the next person but stayed near to the point to collect it back so that he can reduce his work load.



“Probably I will give a try” I said looking at him. He smiled and proceeded with his distributing of papers.



The paper started with a kind of disclaimer saying “Time of Part A will not be carried forward to Part B”. “So Arul knows that we all will screw up part A” I thought. I scanned through Part B, this time other than the mandatory fields; I was able to touch few of the questions. Within half an hour half the class empty and after fifteen minutes only I was left in the exam hall. I completed the paper. The examiner collected my paper and turned back and forth to see. He gave a nasty smile noting an inverse relationship between the time spent in the hall and lines filled in the paper. Of course he will not know that you need to think a ton to write a line in Arul’s exam.



“If he sees my paper, he will definitely come to my room and will hit me” It was Lucifer's frustrated tone. “Don’t worry, he probably will have to create another holocaust to punish us for the kind of writings” I replied taking a sip of hot badam milk. “I don’t give him the chance” It was Veni who has just entered the canteen “We will kill you before any one gets you” Sandy said showing the same level of anger as Veni. “Don’t you even know the abbreviation of your own subject, disgusting you are!!!” every one seemed to enjoy the situation other than me, Sandy continued “Tell me one thing, how can you act so foolish?” “He was not acting” it’s Larry who utterly enjoys cracking jokes on me.



Amidst the surprising tests, presentations and exams, we managed to survive the first semester. All of us did well in the other subjects, while OB was the one culprit that pulled down the average score of the entire batch. The above average guys were pulled down to average level and less fortunate guys like me were pulled down to below average levels. In the end term, Arul wanted to loosen a bit so this time his question paper was very easy and many of us managed to touch the double digit.


Though the marks in OB proved to be comparatively lesser than other subjects,It was only OB that had added more knowledge to us and helped us to improve our thinking process in the areas like consumer behavior, Strategic marketing etc. Finally it was not exactly the marks that showcased our talent.It depends on the many other factors other than your reading time, like the kind of professor who molds your thinking process, the level of your involvement and the quality of discussion you do with your friends. If not a universal truth at least it holds good with my experience.


To conclude this pathetically lengthy story, It's not always exams that test the talent of a student. It's probably one of the least efficient tool to test one's talent. But there are only few professors like Arul who can efficiently use this tool.This was one of the few subjects where in I could witness a direct relation between the marks of the student to his actual intelligence. (Well do not post a comment asking my final marks in OB: ))


If you are keen on HR / OB related stuff the best site you can refer is:


http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5503/intro.html (It's our professor's site)






Zero Gravity Part-2SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Zero Gravity...Part-1

I feel that Exams fail in testing the level of learning of a student, (In the process the student also gets failed often) but still the damn system pushes you to study, prepare one self to write and get through and maintain percentage in all those subjects that are remotely linked to your future job. A compulsory series of filtration like surprise quiz, planned quiz, mid term exam and end term exam. Some times we used to feel that, much of our time was devoted to evaluation rather than learning.

It was the first semester; every one was brimming with enthusiasm to prove themselves in the subjects they like most. It was "Organizational Behavior" that was the most liked subject for all, it also demanded much of our time to study, think and live with. But surprisingly that was the subject where none of us dared to dream about scoring a double digit.


One day Professor Arul walked into the class with an attender following him carrying a bunch of papers. "I had told you, the omens are always right" I said to Veni pointing to our test papers when she was saying her mirror broke down today morning, then while coming out of her hostel, she mistakenly walked under a ladder and was stopped by a black cat that crossed her. She didn’t bother to answer me, her eye balls rolled up and she started praying with a mix of tension and anxiety.

"Your prayers will be serious only when you are in a trouble" I thought recollecting the forward that said "What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos? and the answer is "The ones in the casinos are serious". Senthil and I were exchanging evil grins seeing our friends pray. We stopped that as Sandy shot us a nasty look that seemed like encompassing all the bad words that we had come across by that day. Meanwhile we heard numerous hue and cries of our classmates who received the paper. Being seated at the last bench It was usually us who will have the last laugh. All of us waited impatiently for the test papers. I grabbed mine from our CR’s hand, only to look at the horrified image on the paper. It was a big, nasty looking zeroin red. For the first time I blamed Indians for inventing zero.

I was aghast, I felt it was only I who got this number (having faith in my abilities pertaining to this subject). But when I turned my head towards right , I witnessed a series of trembling hands that fluttered the papers which displayed the same symbol “The Zero”in blood red color, however I should admit that zero on my neighbor’s test paper always looks funny. Little satisfied that I have companions, I turned to my left. Believe me I was happy about my benchmates showcasing their team spirit, coz I saw the same funny images as on the right side.


“Apart from earth, Zero is one neutral entity that qualifies for having a great gravitational force” I thought “All of us start the exam with a zero marks, it’s only those fortunate ones who escape the gravity zone and move above”. In this subject the fortunate one, I mean the class topper was successful in moving out of the gravity zone and managed get 2 marks.

Veni showed some initial reluctance to show her paper, because zero for her meant a personal failure. I tried to soothe her saying “take it easy, it’s not just you. Many of us ended up with a zero, and the highest mark is 2”. Senthil looked at me and said “thambi, why it’s just you and me who are not taking it seriously? Has some thing seriously gone wrong with us?”. I patted his shoulders saying “It’s only the brave who can cheer up in failures” .

“shut up, you know it’s the first time in my life, I ended up getting zero” Veni got psyched up with our talk

“What do you think it’s so common for every one of us to get zero?" I retarded " C’mon yaar it’s for me too. I never got a zero before; of course I had scored -4 once in my engineering math’s but never a zero” Senthil and Ash broke into a big laugh as soon as I finished my statement while Sandy and Veni were reaching to their boiling point. Believe me when it comes to education / career, boys tend to be easier going compared to gals, it may be due to carelessness or due to over confidence, but it shows up as a “Cool” attitude. Guess I was both.

“Can’t you behave normal Vardhan”? Sandy said to me in a cold voice.

“Hey it’s only Vardhan, who is normal” Senthil gave a back up” C’mon let’s move to the canteen and let’s think what we should do”. When it comes to strategizing the study approach Senthil and Bava were at their best. For next few days till the mid term we had planned how to study this subject. Even though every one scored less, it wasn’t just me or my bench mates, still the number Zero on the answer sheet was very alarming. So we took a oath to study and understand our Professor Arul’s case studies. Believe me it was tough to reach the expectations of India’s one of the famous HR practitioners. All of us started to put their best efforts in OB, while managing the performance in other subjects. We were geared up for the coming mid terms in next week.
Zero Gravity...Part-1SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Monday, July 7, 2008

Shake Sphere

“Caricature” Bava asked me tucking his shirt while continuing the brisk walk towards the class from canteen. Without moving my concentration from the bread sandwich in my hand, I took another big bite and said “Distorted sketch”. then it was my turn I asked him “Flamboyant”? He replied “Gaudy”, Show off kind of thing. “Bava you rock” I shook him and said as I entered the class. He was one of the nigger that every one liked. Very shy in nature, yet intelligent and eloquent when it comes to subject, a 180 degree opposite to me.

This verbatim exercise was not for some GRE or Gmat exam, but to become editors of our prestigious in-house magazine for which our Marketing prof KB was the chief editor. Since we sit together we use to exchange lot of new words and play grammar correction games to make sure we get into this editor’s post. Few days back when our class representative (Who is again my one of the nigger friend) announced like a Wal Mart store manager to catch the seats which we like to sit and it will remain our seating place for the rest of the year, every one and rushed to pick their best seating places. By the time I realized all the corner seats were booked since dozing off in those seats has less probability of getting caught. By the time I realized our friends group had only one row left, the last one which is positioned to match the exact height of the stage. It was unfortunate to be situated at the top and worse than that was that I had to occupy the middle seat that does not provide any shelter from the weird looking profs. I said to Bava giving a forcible but positive smile “this place will make sure that I will stay awake”. For the rest of the two years I spent half of my classes there by dozing off, and in remaining classes I was thrown out for dozing off.

The D-day arrived where both of us gave our best shot for the exam and were eagerly waiting for the results. Two days after the exam, when I sat in class with Bava witnessing our prof killing my favorite subject Operations Management, the news came that the Dimensions results are available on the notice board. We all rushed to the notice board immediately after the class. We found a list that contained around 60 names, so we did not bother to see what it was since you can not have that many number of editors, So we switched to the adjacent board, there was a notice that titled “Dimensions”. Bava and I eagerly looked into the 4-member list to check if we two were the lucky ones. Well after scanning through the list I exclaimed, “It’s ok Bava, Dimensions is not that lucky, lets make it to debonair or playboy” giving a sad grin. My friend Bava cannot take these kinds of failures easily; he showed clear disappointment on his face. While we were trying to come out of the grief, we heard a chorus of “shit” sounds, which was the resultant reaction of the list that bared the names of students who are asked to attend English classes. We didn’t bother to see it, why does a a candidate running for editor’s seat would think of being listed for English classes. We were heading to canteen but were stopped by Senthil with a wide grin over his face. He patted our back saying “Welcome to the under privilege club of niggers who don’t know English” I said “why are you saying us”. He replied only to knock our foot “Coz you two guys are in the list”. “Shit Happens” now another two painful F words vanished in the crowd’s talk.

“I believe that I can fly, I can touch the sky” come on guys sing it out, It was our guest faculty who was uttering enthusiastically in an effort to break the ice with the rhymes. It’s a pathetic idea that didn’t work of course. He was the only one who was showing the spirit. The cell phone beeped, it was a message from Sandy “how is the English stuff happening?” I showed the message to Bava and said “Forget not getting into dimensions, but how on earth we landed up here” in a totally disappointed voice. Bava was in a state of shock, he took the mobile from me and replied “We just started with twinkle, twinkle little star, still long way to go”.

The faculty wanted us to speak Queen’s English. His name was Veer Das, after finishing up Rhymes, he was telling about the pronunciations, he said enthusiastically “Its not water its watah”, I said from the back bench “its not veerdas, its weird ass”.
Well later he was replaced with a really good faculty this time, and every one was happy about it, coz she looked good.
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