Walk the Talk

“Can you hold my internals?” he asked me as we just crossed the first floor. “Sure Sir” with a smile I took them carefully in my hands. “Don’t crush them,” he said looking at the way I am holding them. “No sir, I am not” I adjusted them once.

I met our Maths prof Rudrappa, on the way to my classroom. He was going to take the class for our section. As both of us were late to the class, only we were left in the corridor while all others were in their respective classrooms. We took the stairs together to reach the class. “Sir Happy New Year” I said breaking the silence between us. “Oh!” he looked at me and greeted “Vice versa” with a broad smile.

“So young man how you celebrated the New Year”. I thought for a sec and said “Sir I have been to Sai baba’s Temple yester day, as it was Thursday” (and I can see all our college girls there). “Yeah I know…later you went to Raj Bhavan with your friends for a Disco” he said giving a weird smile. I looked at him appalled “You should’ve applied for the post of a Sniffer Dog Rudri,” I thought.

“Sir how did you celebrated?” I asked him to avoid getting a free lecture on the topic “Today’s youth and their habits- both suck”. “I am a family man, what will I do” he stopped to catch up a breath “I spent time with my two daughters and one wife watching some shows on ETV Kannada”. “Two daughters Sir” I said with a flicker in my eyes which he didn't notice.

“Yes, two daughters. Unfortunately...” he paused to check if he brought his pen. It was there in his shirt pocket. “Unfortunately both are girls”. “Oh” I gave a sorry expression. This conversation is worth to be acted out in front of my friends I thought.

“Sir how is our class performance in your exam” I asked him. “Your section is G right?” he paused to recollect “It’s fine” he said. While keeping him busy with the conversation I was searching for my book in the bunch of internal exam books that I was carrying. I saw Antz’s paper first. He had scored 20 out of 25. Then I continued the search to look for my internal book.”. “Its section F’s performance that surprised me” Rudri said which I didn’t listen as I was busy in searching , while managing not to get caught by Rudri. “All the boys are toppers there”. I saw my name on a book. It displayed 18/25 in red color. “Good both of us got the average score of 15 now. So no need to write the third internals,” I thought happily. With a broad smile I turned to him. “It’s only the girls who are topless”. “What %@*?” I couldn’t believe what I have just heard. “Sir, where?” I almost shouted with astonishment. “It’s Section F,” he said wondering about my expression. “Holy F***, I should’ve been in Section F” I said to my self.

Then I realized “Oh it’s not that “Topless” he is talking about. “Forget it” I said to myself “There are better looking topless girls in my section in terms of marks”. As we entered the class, I kept the books on the table and went to sit beside Antz. “Why are you rotating with Rudri?” he asked me in Rudri’s language as I placed my bag on the desk. “Because he has two daughters” I said giggling “and the best part is…”

I gave a pause “Both are girls” I said laughing. “Silence” shouted Rudri. “All Sections of Sunayana madam scored well in the first internal, while mine scored bad” Rudri announced in a disappointment. Engineering Maths-2 for our batch was taken by Rudri as well as Sunayana Madam. She covered the portion for first internal in which all of us scored well. In the 2nd internals all of us scored low and incidentally Rudri had handled that portion. “Actually you see” he placed his palm over his tummy and smoothened the wrinkles of his safari and said “Sunayana Madam’s parts are soft, while mine is hard, so you scored less”.

“This would make the best lines for a sex comedy,” some one said from the back as entire class was fighting hard to control the laughter. “By any chance did you see our marks?” Antz asked me. “How can you think I miss it” I said and was telling him the scores while we heard Rudri barking at us.” Both of you three stand up,” he pointed towards us.

“Is it me Sir?” asked the guy who was sitting in front of our bench. “Not me behind me” he shouted in anger. “It’s me,” I said to the guy who was startled by the barking. “Come here” he said. By mistake the guy who was sitting next to us was also got pulled in to this. We went there praying the God not to put us in an embarrassing situation. “Follow me” he led us out of the class. He stopped abruptly “Now don’t follow me” he stamped his foot with anger and went in side the class.

We had no choice but to go to the library, as the show time of Galaxy (Mini Theater near our campus) is still3 hours away.

These kinds of funny incidents with Rudri were quite common in our college. He was able to assassinate English in his own way. His brain takes the inputs of the situations in Kannada, picks the relevant words in English and throws the output without caring for the grammar. Every sentence spoken by him made a best one liner joke we have ever come accross. But putting all of those incidents here would make this blog bigger than the Potter series, so I refrain doing that. Hope you enjoyed my tryst with the "Father of English".