I would have done with my Analysis (of part -1) by now, if only the lady respondents of my survey returned with their answers. The questionnaire had only one open ended question which was "What woman really wants?” After a month's time, I called up every one and I got just one answer:
"We are not done yet, need more time".
Anyways, to make the analysis comprehensive and convincing, I wish to take some more time and ponder over few more incidents that have left me as baffled as I was with the previous one.
"You are such a narrow minded male chauvinist" she said and her nose flared in anger. "I am in no mood to argue" I said. "Okay then convince me". Without waiting for my response she went and slumped in the chair near the swimming pool.
She was my colleague in my first company ; a manufacturing firm. We were in a resort and along with us were 40 other employees carrying various ranks. (The team outing would have been more fun without the team building games that were forced on us by HR). I walked to her and took the seat next to her.
she:I never tasted whiskey and this is the time (suppressing the anger)
Me: Believe me. The cheaper one doesn’t taste better and the better one doesn’t have any taste.
She: (Coying)But I want to know what happens after taking a glass or two.
Me: You can watch me and I will not charge you for that.
She: (Smiling) Very funny. But what's your problem if I want to drink.
Me: (Long lecture) I never said I have a problem. But what I am asking you to think twice before you do that. We work in a manufacturing firm. Those guys you see (pointing the guys dancing next to the pool). They are from different culture, education and background. You think they are broadminded enough to accept a girl who tastes liquor? They will judge you wrong and what happens here doesn’t just stay here. We will be with this people every day. So better think before you act.
The party took a wild swing as I was talking; some one dragged me to the dance floor. The next day morning, a phone call woke me up and started my lazy Sunday.
She: (An affectionate tone)Vardhan
Me: Hey Tell me. How come you called me?
She: I am very grateful to God. Yesterday, you saved me from the impulsive feeling.
Me: Why did the God take all the credits then?
She: What?
Me: Never mind. It's a tough joke.
She: (Breathing heavily) You don’t understand Vardhan. I am so glad to have a friend like you. I am happy that I asked you to accompany. If it were others....(I cut her words)
Me: Never mind yaar. Anyways if you still want to try out whiskey, we two can go out some time.
She: (Dead silence)
Me: Hello? Hello? You there?
She: (After a long pause)...Yes
Me: Oh.... (Smiling) I thought the line got cut.
She: No (Serious tone). But now it will. Don’t ever talk to me again. (Thumping of the receiver)
That's it I never did get a chance to know what went wrong between us as she was in a different (Manufacturing) plant. Down the line, both of us took different paths. One of us is more successful, happy and settled in America and another is not so lucky. To be clear, she married some software geek and got settled in US.
Coming back to the point.My offer was as genuine and pure as Vat 69. I never had a different thought process running in my head while I spoke to her. If only my mind could process dual things at a time, I would not end up being a sole reader of my blog. Anyways this discussion also will share few lines in the analysis part that comes after I completely understand about the psychology of women. I can bet a fortune that the analysis might not come to the light in my life span. So allow me to come up with one more post to gain a better hold on the subject (No pun intended).
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Battle of Sexes Part-2
Friday, January 1, 2010
The New (Year) Resolution
Year 2000: To be more popular. (I made it to attendance shortage list)
Year 2001: Not to do last minute studies before exam. (I did not do, I flunked in two)
Year 2002: No more additions to "Crush List". (....Wait who is that?)
Year 2003: Impress my boss. (I asked her out for a date. I am looking for a new job now.)
Year 2004: Achieve a six figure paycheck like my friends did. (I am converting my salary to Zimbabwean dollars before telling anyone)
Year 2005: Spend less time on TV. (I am using my laptop to watch movies)
Year 2006: I no longer will doze off in the class. (I found a nice corner to sleep)
Year 2007: I will to go to Gym at least 5 days a week; (I am driving past it now)
Year 2008: This year I‘ve made good number of resolutions. (Once I remember all of them I will start implementing one by one)
Year 2009: Recollect the past resolutions and line them up for future in the order of FIFO (Including this resolution)
With due respect to the King Janus, I would say any day is a good day to start afresh. The motive behind taking a resolution is to make the actual life style more like an ideal life style. The ideal life style is all about dreams like making workout as a part of the routine or doing charity like working on neglected children(probably of their own) or giving up some dangerous addictions (like TV serials or reality shows) etc. But this requires a strong will, an unwavering determination and an ability to stand against all odds to keep the commitments. The most arduous effect involves in fighting the inner demons, which in my case I end up taking their side.I will be branded as double faced (not like king Janus) if I try to preach the ways to keep the resolution, but that's how I end this blog. Make one resolution at a time, which is practical, and attainable. Make it more interesting by adding few incentives. Do not scrap the resolution because of slip ups. As I said controlling the inner urge and keep the consistency in the commitment is the key success to win. So go ahead and start afresh as someone rightly said “Every day is a new day for the rest of our life”
Sunday, November 8, 2009
To be like Arnold
Working out has always been my passion. Even when I could not go to gym, I used to spend my energy reading all those links that Google showed up when I typed “How to become like Arnold”. Though I could not relate the articles to body building as they were saying like “Stay away from Republicans” or “Marry the lady who has got good political connections” etc, still I tried to follow. Over the time I realized that the idea of working out was not actually working out. So I decided to start jogging after checking out the greenery in the nearest park. It was a good success for a while; till my motivation levels were forcefully dragged down by the presence of those aged fathers of the girls who I was keeping track off.
"Yoga" is the last thing that I can miss after my MBA in SDM, where it was mandatory. I dont think that simple and slow motions can make best use of the levels of testosterne that my body generates.
After failing to commit to jog or gym, the last thing that remained which could fulfill my desire of reducing tummy was to DIET. But I don’t believe in dieting, it’s not meant for me. I have seen my brother suffering in hunger. Ofcourse, he had a reason. He was getting married. He had to survive a typical Tamil Brahman marriage, where the groom sits half naked, wearing transparent dhoti sweating in front of the holy fire, managing his breath to hide his tummy from his future wife as well as from her cute friends. A thought like this was enough to triggere a fire in his belly,so one fine day he decided to burn out the fat in his belly. He enrolled to the near by Gym, obtained a diet chart for one week, that contained those items which I might not consider eating even if I am shipwrecked in a deserted island.
He managed one week following rigorous diet and regular workout . The effects of diet were quite evident in him (No he didn’t get six packs). His otherwise plump cheeks were showing off the bones underneath. His eyes went shallow and he looked weak, but the needle in the weighing machine remained steady like rock. My brother, like a saint seeking out for the truth of life, spent rest of his evening seeking out for the accurate weight, rejecting any reading of the m/c that moved the needle close to his little finger of his right foot. Being frustrated with the result, next week he did more than justice to the quantity of food that he had missed. He had enough meal to shoot up the inflation by two points.
The diet is some thing that I can think of following between breakfast and lunch. Being a connoisseur, food happens to be my first love, my passion, and my only addiction.I dont understand how can eating 200 gms of chocolate results in 2kg of weight gain.
Having failed to stick to any of the method that helps me to build a six pack, my ambition to become like Arnold seems to have more possibility if I decide to enter in to politics than entering in Gym. Oflate I have been trying out another idea that makes me look slim which is hanging out with fat people (it's working :). Any other path breaking idea (s) that helps to chisel my fat and brings out the six packs is always welcome.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Battle of the Sexes
It was the break time and she grabbed my hand. "I need to talk to you" she said in a serious tone. "Sorry...I don't have time for that" I replied
"I’ve brought Veg Pulav" she tapped the tiffin box in side her bag giving a winning smile.
I was in sixth semester of my Engineering. She was my class mate, and my room mate's girl friend. A Girl Friend here means the one who can be a potential threat of becoming a lover.
"You think you can buy my time with a box of Pulav?" I asked her annoyingly.
After 5 mins I found myself sitting in front of her, eating the Veg Pulav made by her and listening to her latest fight she had with my room mate. After 15 mins of narration, I was given a chance to speak, rather I assumed that I was given a chance.
She: Is he gone mad?
Me: Was fine till he met you.
She: (Not caring my comment) He fights over any thing and every thing Vardhan. Previously he used to call me to flirt and now he phones me to fight. Why is he doing that? (She bangs her fist on table)
Me: (I paid a tense attention to her giving a puzzled expression, gripping the spoon in my mouth).
She: You know, yesterday I waited for you two to join me for lunch. But you guys went out and I did not even had my lunch yesterday (She put up a face of concatenated and complex expressions)
Me: May I correct. You waited for him, not me and he wanted to have non veg so he went to local Andhra mess. By the way did you tell him that you were waiting for him?
She: NO. I did not, but he should understand it.
Me: Oh.... (Eating Pulav) that bugger did not tell me that he knows mind reading.
She: (With a menacing look) You don't understand this Vardhan. Have you noticed that, he is drinking lot these days and not to mention the number of cigarettes he burns. Can’t' you tell him to stop. I mean he is not bothered about his health...
Me: Why are you telling this to me? You can ask him right?
She: You think he listens to me? Last week, almost every day he boozed and picked up fight with me. I could not even eat or sleep properly because of him. Why do I need to go through it because of this drunkard, I don’t understand (She looks worried)
Me: Forget that drunkard…… marry me
She: What???!!!!
Me: Yes. I can compromise on lot of things in my life to get this Pulav daily.
She: (Smiling) Thanks for the comment, but no thanks for the offer. (Expression changed to anger) And remember never call him a “Drunkard” again.
Me: But, you just said that!!!! (Guiltlessly stuffing my mouth with more Pulav)
She: I can but not you.... Pchhh....You don’t understand Vardhan
Me: Look. Every one has a freedom to make one's choices. It's his choice to drink and smoke and I don’t believe in advising an adult. Moreover, he was the same drunkard and chain smoker before you became close to him. Which means you accepted him as a package with good and bad qualities. Now you are forgetting all the good part and pestering about the bad. Expect only those that can be expected in a relation and don’t try to show the ownership.
She: You are so mean!!!! I am telling you my problems and you support him and lecture me on how to live my life? You don’t understand this Vardhan till you are in Love.
Me: Who said I was never in love. I have innumerable one sided love stories and of them only one girl had a drinking problem, but I accepted that as a package and this weekend we will be going to a pub.Anyway I am done (Slid the empty box towards her).
She: Wait....I need to talk.
Me: (Looking impatiently) Well....hmmm
She: Fine.... (With an annoyed look she takes out another box from bag and thrashes in my hand) curd rice (in a curt voice) and promise me you don’t make fun out of this serious situation.
She: Why does he roam with that witch Neha. You know yesterday my room mate saw these two going on bike.
Me: For obvious reasons, she is hot. Even I want to roam with her. (I started concentrating on curd rice)
She: You don't understand how it feels like and please stop cracking jokes on every thing.(Angry look)What was so important that he had to escort her to a medical store?
Me: You have the answer, its for medicines. By the way can I make one thing clear "Do you love him? or Did he say that he loves you?"(Actually they are one step above to being close friends and one step below to being lovers; it's like being in an In transit phase of a relation.....)
She: You don’t understand Vardhan
Me: (Savoring curd rice with pickle)
She: You know, on my last birth day he had promised that he will not let me shed even a drop of tear at any cost. But you don't know how many times I wept because of him.
Me: (Still enjoying curd rice) hmmm.....
She:I still remember (Shedding few tears instantaneously) and now my birth day is tomorrow and (sneezing in her kerchief) he doesn’t even seem to have planned a surprise gift.
Me: (Licking the box)
She: He doesn’t spend time with me as he was doing before. He treats me like every one else. I am no more special. Are you listening???
Me:(Licking the spoon)
She: I hate it when he plays jokes with girls like that. (Giving an intolerable jealous look) He looks like a flirt only
Me: So…you want him to flirt with boys? Turn him to a gay?
She: (Tiered look)Oh….stop your nonsense.
Me: I don’t understand why you are acting as if you got married to him?
She: @%%@##$$....YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND VARDHAN!!! (She storms out after snatching the tiffin box which now looked spotlessly clean )
“What happened” my room mate entered the scene. “You need to promise one thing” I asked him.
“What?”
“Keep fighting with her at least once in a week, so that I can get to taste the Pulav often.” We broke in to laughter unaware of her reentry.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Money, Market and Male Chauvinism
For those who have not read the first part "This post will make sense only if you have read my previous one ”Ramblings of a Male Chauvinist"" . For those who have already read that, "This post will be equally senselessly satirical as the previous part”.
The last part was written in the bygone period when we the word “Recession” was unheard. The time when companies were unwontedly kind to its employees; Banks were quixotically generous in lending money. The Sensex was zooming past 15K mark & GDP touching 8, my company was in profit and I was in a project. Coming to the dynamics of marriage market, it was the time when most of the young Indian males were aiming to get foreign jobs and young Indian females were aiming to get those Indian males who were settled in foreign jobs. Not to spare those baby boomers who were aiming for Son in laws settled in foreign jobs. So literally the entire educated Indian crowd wanted to dump themselves on the foreign ground, some by means of job and others by means of marriage. To be succinct, software grooms settled in abroad were the most sought after.
The situation which was assumed to be perpetual has turned increasingly turbid and phantasmagorical. Guys who were getting high pay checks (Especially in US) are now jobless and have mortgages to pay. I think the only people who reacted to the situation faster than the Fund Managers are the Girls’ parents. If you take a glance at the part one, I had posted few sample profiles of girls that represented the over all ambition of the population. I did not get a chance to see how the profiles have been modified now. But it might sure look like this.
- Varshini has completed her 10th, has finished her diploma in Classical Dance and is looking forward
to settle in US. Brahmin Software boys working in US are preferred. for Brahmin Boys working in positions like IAS, IPS or any other good Govt. jobs can contact us.
- Mythili is studying final year engineering.
Interested to settle down in US Green card holders are preferred, H1B might be considered. Software engineers who are not looking for a working girl can please contact, others kindly excuse. She is good at cooking, has also got a degree in classical music. We are looking for a well-settled groom below 32 years and who is working in state or central government. Software Engineers please excuse.
- Roshini is a broad minded girl from an orthodox family. She
iswas working in US. We are interested for boys who are at a good managerial position inInvestment Banking or SoftwareFirmsGovernment Organizations or owning a businessinUS. Divorcees are also considered. The girl wants to settle down inUSIndia. We are looking for a well-settled Groom working in State or Central Govt from a good family background. Software Engineers and Investment Bankers please excuse.
The above situation reminds me of my internship, where I’ve sold Unit Linked Insurance Plans (or Equity Linked Saving Schemes) to customers by highlighting their key benefit of “Switch” option. The investor can switch their funds between Equity (Stocks) and Debt (Govt. Bonds and securities) markets depending upon the market condition. I.e. when the investor speculates the market is doing well, he can opt to put his funds in the stocks (Mutual funds) and when he expects the markets to fall, he can switch the funds to safer govt. bonds that give lower but fixed returns. Similarly the Fund managers of Indian marriage market have currently switched their assets to safer grounds (With a possible exclusion of switching after entering into conjugal relationship).
Well coming to the male chauvinistic part that you are wondering about. Hope I have an option to make my life as attractive as a mutual fund. If only I have an option to marry girls from various sectors like Power, Infra Structure, Manufacturing, Technology and Govt (jobs like Banks, lecturers, IAS or IPS (Not IPS…it has high personal risk factor)). So that I can diversify risk and maximize income and can retire early. I will be more assured of wealth if I can also avail the above option for commodities and derivatives.
I guess that any girl reading this blog will sure be running out of all the filthy words she ever knew (Considering the most notorious word has already been placed in the title). So if you are some hardcore Feminist (or can i say Female chauvinist :) )then you need to understand that you are reading through the mind of a so called male chauvinistic guy and as usual the blog is little exaggerated.
For Guys, call it a brunt of life, but the demand and supply has always its say in any market and the marriage market is no exception. Even in moments of the most imminent peril that we are living now, its woman on top. Blame it on the on the baby boomers who are taking this uncouth gambol, but that’s the reality and it needs to be accepted. So gear up for Civil services if possible.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Taken over by Writer’s block
My blog reminds me of life cycle of a product that has bombed in the market. It is going through the phases of Introduction, growth, maturity and decline at a lightning speed. But I am taking stringent steps to keep my blog from slipping to the fourth stage. However the true achievement of holding my blog in the maturity stage is attributed to those forced readers of mine who pick up my every call praying not to become the victims of my doggedness and end up reading and then rating my blog. Well my tele marketing skills proved quite successful resulting at least four comments (Giving 25% of the call success rate) per post appreciating the writer in me. Over the period the call success rate has tremendously increased as my pals started to offer their passwords in order to encourage the self-boasting of writer in me.
Well it’s not just the tele calls or my customer hostages who bargain their passwords with me for their own peaceful living which keeps my blog site active. It’s also my clownishly insensible way of narrating the gloomiest state of the human side that generates certain level of interest (Approximately .01%) in readers . Adding to the existing blogs that has been rated on an average of 8 out of 10 points for being lachrymonious, soporific and depressing, I keep ragging the writer in me to come up with a new idea to ensure some activity in this page. The process of idea generation and dumping my brain waste on this virtual ground was never easy.
The Writer’s Block had taken me over and I find dearth of topics to write on. As the days progressed, the real priorities in my life started showing off their power. My Boss had put me in a Project that demanded lot of reading and attention. My Client, to whom my company had portrayed me as a Super man, had come up with a kind of requirements that can only be met by a Gene in the lamp. I started to work 14X7 to meet the requirements, but still my Client saw a light year distance of gap between his expectations, and my performance. The Superman in me eventually has transformed to a Doberman by the end of the project. Now being on a Bench, I felt a strong motivation to do justice to the blog that I had created long back and was on the verge of forgetting my own blog site address. All my customer hostages had conveniently forgotten the trouble of going through my paradoxical writings. Before my motivation and ambition of writing a blog gets vanished like a vapor in the sun, I vigorously started digging my brain like a hungry dog searching for a bone. I relentlessly searched for the topic on which I can talk tirelessly, effortlessly and last but not the least “senselessly” for hours.
At times little independent threads of ideas ran through the texture of my mind and died away before I actually slaughter them with my pen (Hmmm..Rather with the keyboard).The brainstorming, which was actually confined to my brain, did not give desired results. I did primary and secondary research to come out with a suitable topic. I thought of addressing some burning issues like “political situation in India” or update the blog with recent cricket stories, but again, it would risk the numbers (of Reader Population). Some topics like “Demand Elasticity of Latex”, “Lip stick theorem and it’s relation with recession” etc bombarded my brains, but could not make much of an impact. It was just before I decided to give up the idea of harassing the writer in me, I got a call from Deepu asking about my next blog. Though the call could not reactivate my brain cells , but sure had charged every limb in my body to pull my self together to type some meaning less sentences. Well you might have understood that you have wasted your time reading this post instead of wasting the same in a smoking zone or in a café. What I can promise you is that, in my next post I would put my 100% efforts to make it at least 0.00001% interesting.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Realty Bites
Well don’t mistake me to be some kind of evil incarnation (Even though some people think I am), No I am just a stupid common man (heard this line some where? I wrote the dialogues for that movie). Yes I am just a stupid common man who is going to play a part in the Realty bubble burst (Indian Version). Yes I will be the one to trigger an another wave of the financial tsunami, battering the very foundation of the financial institutions, capsizing the so called Fortune 500 by making them to file chapter 11 over night, and forcing them to fire thousands of top earning wage workers…oops…I meant “Professionals” (includes me) . But why am I going to do this and how? Go on and read ahead as you have already wasted half of your idle time at office, so why to stop?
These days my Mom has a new problem with me (Apart from finding fault in her culinary skills, too many outings with friends etc). She wants me to settle down in the city by owning an independent house. Just a simple need of having a home, is actually made much simpler by a powerful financial tool called “Home Loan”. Apparently this has become her weapon to win over my every argument.
This is a sample of our every day conversation. When I start getting ready to office thinking that I am not going to get fired the same day, my Mom initiates the discussion
Mom: You know! I met one of my old student who is a real estate agent. She promised me a good site. Shall we go this weekend to see all the sites? She says handing over the cell phone and wallet.)
I: (Tying shoe laces) Mom I have to meet my friends. It’s been long time since I…. Mom: (Cutting my words) You have two days holiday, why don’t you try to spare some time out of these.
I: Mom it’s not just about sparing time, it’s about spending money. In this current (market) situation, it’s not good to go for a Home loan. If I loose the job how am I going it to repay? (Yeah I can lie to this extent to win the argument)
Mom: Shut up. You should not talk bad. God forbid. It will never happen to you. (She smears the sacred powder across my forehead and before it starts all over again, I run out saying “Time up” J ).
Yesterday I used the idea that Vijay gave me. When my Mom brought this subject again, I asked “Mom what was your age when u started earning?” “I was just 20 when I started earning” She expressed with a pride in her eyes. “OK” I said “and at what age did you start building the house?” She thought a sec and said “I was 47 when I started the home. I took lot of trouble to build that house”. “Fine” I said and got up “So you took solid 27 years from the first day of the job to build a house for 5 lakhs. While you want me take a home loan of 27 lakhs and start off living a life of stinginess right from my 27th year. How fair you think it is?” .She did not have an answer at that time but Moms never listen. She says that instead of spending 10-12K on rent, why don’t you build a home and pay the EMI of same amount or little more. She has her own good reasons for having an own house but I have only one reason not to go for it. It’s Money. I am sure I don’t want to be a home loan defaulter and pull down the entire economy with me.
I guess you might have understood, it’s not my sole intention to create another financial Tsunami, I am just a tool. In a city like Bangalore, to have a roof on your head will actually cost a fortune. This is the second stage of the realty bubble burst. The realtors have bought the lands at higher rate and want to sell it much higher to make the profits . But to buy one piece of land for a guy like me who is just pissing around the poverty line is a distinct reality. So to avoid being a home loan defaulter and drag down the market, I am left with no option except marrying a daughter of a Real estate agent or some lady recovery agent from ICICICICICIC (plz truncate few extra ICs for correction).
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Wackiest ways to curb Global Warming
"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet." --Jay Leno
Women and Earth complement each other in more than one way. Both are difficult to comprehend and both are getting hotter every day. Two major challenges that today’s men facing are “How to stop the woman from doing shopping and how to stop the Earth from heating”. I am not that brainy to advice on the former one. So let’s go to the lesser interesting topic i.e. “How to curb Global Warming”.
One of my friends who was obsessed with global warming and concerned about the girls (No you read it right. I did not interchange the words) was complaining me the other day. He was saying that the girls and the globe form an unending “Loop of Cause” for Global Warming. He said “As the globe is getting hot, girls in my office are wearing lesser cloths, which in turn makes the girl look hot and also makes the surroundings hot. So the Earth gets even hotter. To bear the heat the girls shed one more cloth and the surroundings...” I had to pour a pot of cold water on his head to cool him down.
Well let’s follow some simple tips to save water, power and fuel to save our only home.
Saving Water:
It is predicted that by 2050 one third of the globe will face severe water shortage. So let us use less water and save it more for the future. So those who take bath daily, try giving a day break and those who take bath weekly, try alternate weeks. I sincerely thank to those who take bath occasionally. Scheduling your shower timings according to the monsoon is also one of the best ways to save water.
To those who are saving water but are dependent on deodorants, understand that the deo sprays produce CFC (chloro fluro carbons) that depletes Ozone layer. So shift to the solid de odorants (Sticks) instead of using aerosols. Guys don’t get carried away by Axe ads. You know it’s far from reality.
Not taking bath and also not using the deodorants helps in more than one way. One can save water, Ozone layer and also curb population explosion (That's a stinky joke isn't it? :) ).
Avoid the wastage of water. Drink alcohol without mixing water or go for Tequila shots.
Saving Power:
Saving power is very easy if you are newly married and if it’s cold out side (Oh my God...are you thinking of browsing the net for a new room heater?).if you are in the phase where the magic in your life has just vanished after 5 years of your married life, then you can try getting into some heated arguments with your wife to stay warm in the winter cold. And if you are a bachelor, I better don’t advice you.
It's not just your home where you should save power and the power bills. You can also follow this at your office. Switch off your PC after the work hours or stay on Bench to avoid switching on your PC.
Finally avoid hot water bath to save power, both hot water and taking the bath to save power and water.
Saving Fuel:
Do car pooling. Approach the girls who are near to your residence and offer them a free pick up and drop facility daily. They would not say no. I tried and it works (Now I get calls from them even on Saturday nights asking me to drop at their boy friend's apartment and pick them up on Monday mornings to office). Even if you have a bike you can do pooling by riding triples (Do not think about the fine you pay, think about how fine the situation can get). If you are a girl, it’s very easy you think of doing car pooling and half the office staff will shift their homes to your locality.
Avoid using of vehicles to go to near by places. Instead, go by walk so that you don’t miss any gorgeous girls on the way. Also when you drive, drive smart. So don’t let your wife behind the wheels. Use public transport. You never know whom you bump into. (I once bumped into a lady ticket inspector in the bus without a ticket and she almost stripped me naked)
Also save trees, use less paper (students you just boycott the class if teacher insists you to buy a book). Use plastic responsibly to avoid pollution as well as to control the population (If you did not get this joke also. Then stop reading my blogs). Also create awareness amongst your friends about global warming. I often raise this issue with my female colleagues. When ever we cross our paths I will stop and say “Is this the effect of global warming or it’s just that you who is making me feel hot”.
Follow all these tips to go green also create awareness among children to make them better citizens than us. Leave your comments and let me know what you can do from your side to save the earth.
Please do not print this post unless it is absolutely necessary. Spread environmental awareness.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Rambling of a Male Chauvinist
It’s more complex than the Philip Kotler’s theory of segmentation. It’s like this. I am a Brhmin, in that a Tamilian, with in that sect an Iyengar, with in that…it follows another two layers like this and finally you will know the target sect (s) that you can look into for a bride. If you spot a girl in the microscopic sub sect that you are looking for, I bet you are far luckier than Columbus was (Blame it on the male female ratio in India) when he spotted America. Only thing is that, you might not get into history. Well that’s not the end of the quest. Now the horoscopes of the girl and the boy should match. Believe me this is the toughest part and the chances of getting it matched is as high as winning a UK lottery.
Well if you are gaping your mouth wondering when the guy and girl would have their say, it’s now, please close your mouth, be a vegetarian. If horscope meet, then the two families meet, if time permits the guy and girl will also get to see each other (in presence of their elders). The two families talk and decide if it’s going to work out. Then the guy and the gal would be allowed to talk just for the sake of formality (To hell with their decision, it’s not considered). After this they get married. Now you must be feeling that getting into Microsoft and dating Gate’s daughter is much easier to this. You are right.
Well, coming to the "male chauvinist" part that you are wondering about. I have gone through hundreds of girls profile, in all of them I found one striking similarity. There's one desire that has spread like a disease, a kind of virus that apparently affects the Guys and not the girls. The parents of the girls have updated their daughter’s profile like these. All with a similar set of wants (or should I call it a need. I don’t know)
.Varshini has completed her 10th, has finished her diploma in Classical Dance and is looking forward to settle in US. Brahmin Software boys working in US are preferred. (It could have been more clear if they had mentioned whether it should be a Java professional or Dot Net or SAP. Right?)
.Mythili is studying final year engineering. Interested to settle down in US. Green card holders are preferred, H1B might be considered. Those who are not looking for working girl can contact, others please excuse (Uncle, you could have also have added some thing like “beware of Dogs” or “no entry for sales persons”)
.Roshini is a broad minded girl (Wow…What does that mean?) from an orthodox family (oh…now this confuses me!). She is working in US (I am game). Brahmin boys who are at a good managerial position (Hey! Wait a minute. You said she is broad-minded right?) Or owning a business (You could have been little elaborate by saying the turn over of the business). Divorcees are also considered (!?!?!?). (Yeah I know one guy called Bill Gates, he’s got his own computer shop there. But I am not sure if he is of the same sect as yours).
You might not be as amused as I am if you are a girl. But take it from me, if you are a guy then run up to the nearest gal, propose fast and get married by EOD (Girls are playing hard on the demand supply gap man). Or accept if some one had already proposed you (Too lucky aren’t you?), or the last and also the least advisable “Go green, do your bit to the population explosion”. Still didn’t get it? Ok I was trying to say, “Be a gay”. The Girl’s and their parents requirements are getting much more complex than the client’s requirements. So plan accordingly hedge your future by some means (That’s a naughty thought, but I like it .)
Now Girls, please do contact me if you like my profile.
I am a broad minded Brahmin software techie (Yeah I write codes in Sanskrit). Who has never ever worked on onsite project, who is earning a handsome salary but is ready to sacrifice his career to help his partner’s career and is willing to settle down in US (I told you it’s for Girls not for guys). I am planning to retire after the marriage (I meant from work) and settle down in US or UK. Interested girls who are earning 6 figures and have best features can contact me. Caste no bar.
Oh why am I getting all the sarcastic smiles now? Get into my shoes and tell me what’s wrong if I consider marriage as one convenient option (the way girls are considering now) to obtain the kind of life style I desire. It still sounds ridiculous is it? I bet it would sound completely normal requirement if a gal had said these. I was telling these requirements to one of my girl friend and she said to me “Hey don’t even dream about it. All you guys are same, all are Male @&#%”. I cut the phone.
Hey I hear some one yelling “You Male Chauvinistic %&$...”.
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