Rambling of a Male Chauvinist

Of late, I was looking for a perfect match for my brother. So like a quintessential Indian Son, I accompanied my Mom to various marriage bureaus across Bangalore looking for prospective brides. Having committed the mistake of taking birth in an orthodox Brahmin family and over the top of it not getting committed to any one, searching for a better half is not an easy task any more . Well go through this post to get an insight of the dynamics of marriage market.

It’s more complex than the Philip Kotler’s theory of segmentation. It’s like this. I am a Brhmin, in that a Tamilian, with in that sect an Iyengar, with in that…it follows another two layers like this and finally you will know the target sect (s) that you can look into for a bride. If you spot a girl in the microscopic sub sect that you are looking for, I bet you are far luckier than Columbus was (Blame it on the male female ratio in India) when he spotted America. Only thing is that, you might not get into history. Well that’s not the end of the quest. Now the horoscopes of the girl and the boy should match. Believe me this is the toughest part and the chances of getting it matched is as high as winning a UK lottery.

Well if you are gaping your mouth wondering when the guy and girl would have their say, it’s now, please close your mouth, be a vegetarian. If horscope meet, then the two families meet, if time permits the guy and girl will also get to see each other (in presence of their elders). The two families talk and decide if it’s going to work out. Then the guy and the gal would be allowed to talk just for the sake of formality (To hell with their decision, it’s not considered). After this they get married. Now you must be feeling that getting into Microsoft and dating Gate’s daughter is much easier to this. You are right.

Well, coming to the "male chauvinist" part that you are wondering about. I have gone through hundreds of girls profile, in all of them I found one striking similarity. There's one desire that has spread like a disease, a kind of virus that apparently affects the Guys and not the girls. The parents of the girls have updated their daughter’s profile like these. All with a similar set of wants (or should I call it a need. I don’t know)

.Varshini has completed her 10th, has finished her diploma in Classical Dance and is looking forward to settle in US. Brahmin Software boys working in US are preferred. (It could have been more clear if they had mentioned whether it should be a Java professional or Dot Net or SAP. Right?)

.Mythili is studying final year engineering. Interested to settle down in US. Green card holders are preferred, H1B might be considered. Those who are not looking for working girl can contact, others please excuse (Uncle, you could have also have added some thing like “beware of Dogs” or “no entry for sales persons”)

.Roshini is a broad minded girl (Wow…What does that mean?) from an orthodox family (oh…now this confuses me!). She is working in US (I am game). Brahmin boys who are at a good managerial position (Hey! Wait a minute. You said she is broad-minded right?) Or owning a business (You could have been little elaborate by saying the turn over of the business). Divorcees are also considered (!?!?!?). (Yeah I know one guy called Bill Gates, he’s got his own computer shop there. But I am not sure if he is of the same sect as yours).
You might not be as amused as I am if you are a girl. But take it from me, if you are a guy then run up to the nearest gal, propose fast and get married by EOD (Girls are playing hard on the demand supply gap man). Or accept if some one had already proposed you (Too lucky aren’t you?), or the last and also the least advisable “Go green, do your bit to the population explosion”. Still didn’t get it? Ok I was trying to say, “Be a gay”. The Girl’s and their parents requirements are getting much more complex than the client’s requirements. So plan accordingly hedge your future by some means (That’s a naughty thought, but I like it .)

Now Girls, please do contact me if you like my profile.

I am a broad minded Brahmin software techie (Yeah I write codes in Sanskrit). Who has never ever worked on onsite project, who is earning a handsome salary but is ready to sacrifice his career to help his partner’s career and is willing to settle down in US (I told you it’s for Girls not for guys). I am planning to retire after the marriage (I meant from work) and settle down in US or UK. Interested girls who are earning 6 figures and have best features can contact me. Caste no bar.

Oh why am I getting all the sarcastic smiles now? Get into my shoes and tell me what’s wrong if I consider marriage as one convenient option (the way girls are considering now) to obtain the kind of life style I desire. It still sounds ridiculous is it? I bet it would sound completely normal requirement if a gal had said these. I was telling these requirements to one of my girl friend and she said to me “Hey don’t even dream about it. All you guys are same, all are Male @&#%”. I cut the phone.

What on earth is some thing called “Equality”? (Some one rightly said, “Women fight for equality and still demand reservations”).What's wrong if I desire a life style like this. I help her to get ready to office, drop her in a car give a good-bye kiss and drive back home. Put the dishes to washer, clothes to laundry. Then go out and rent some DVDs and buy one crate of Budwieser . By the time friends would have come home to play Poker. Enjoy the Beer, Movie and the game. At evening, will take the Ferarri and roam around with hot chicks. Drop them off to their place, pick up my better half and go home. That’s it. Simple enough? :)

Hey I hear some one yelling “You Male Chauvinistic %&$...”.