Talking Cricket

If you are looking for an expert comment on Don Bradman's bowling skills or Malcom Marshall's batting style (Did I mess up some thing??), then you are reading a wrong post. This post tells about why I hate cricket so much. How this game has been casting it’s evil spell on me over the years.

The story of my impassiveness towards cricket dates back to my childhood when I had no companion left to play any game in the season of cricket, as every kid in my street is glued to the TV and anxiously listening to their jobless uncle’s useless comments on the game. The breaks between the classes were also quite challenging, as my friends use to find me as a major source of entertainment in the cricket season. My classmates surround me during the breaks and use to pose questions like “What is your comments on Japan's unanticipated triumph over Australia”, "Which is the fourth country that has agreed to participate in the forth coming triangular series?" Or "As a captain of the team, which one of these two would you choose to play after winning the toss on a wet pitch". The options were given as Fielding or Bowling. Thanks to the frequent occurrence of these incidents, I was tested positive for "Cricket language deficiency syndrome”.

This CLDC has its own undesirable effects right from my childhood to till date. Despite knowing all the south Indian languages, having CLDC had always put a hold to my extroverted ness. It was in my class 10, when I competed over another kid for the post of class representative. Little did I realize that my class mate’s gyan over cricket was way above my bounds, the election turned out to be a selection. The devil’s stroke was a master success. The disease had started showing the effects from then. The second time when I became the victim was in the GD conducted for a B-school selection. My already meager hope of getting selected went down the drain when I heard the GD topic being announced “Emerging problem in Indian cricket- supporting the captain courageous or player outrageous??”

Amongst Indians, Cricket happens to be a perfect Ice breaker. They talk cricket to initiate or continue a discussion. This always happens with me during my lunch with clients. I suddenly start to concentrate more on my food when the topic switches to cricket. Having been so verbal till then, my clients take my sudden silence as a result of some deep thought process over the subject and would eagerly wait for the expert opinions. Having been exposed to such situations before, I used to save my head by passing some banal comments, until one day when I saw my manager's remark in the performance appraisal as "Need to improve his knowledge on cricket".

It was during some cricket season, when I went for requirement gathering for a project to Dubai, the only place on earth where you find more Mallus than in Kerala. Since the clients were able to manage with my broken Tamil, I was able to build a good rapport with them. My Boss was also quite satisfied for his wise decision of making me the part of his project team.Until one day, it was during the lunch time when I was sharing my table with few top managers from the Client side. I was giving out my expert opinions on the current financial situation in India (Thanks to magazines and the blog (http://www.shyamscolumn.com/), the Big Guns seemed quite impressed with my knowledge. Then it was one of my team members who had trouble digesting this business gyan, broke the conversation by saying "Have you seen yesterday's match?” The one word "Match" to which I could never match my skills with. The one word which effectively nullified all my efforts and my clients were all ears to him.

With in five minutes, every one around me started arguing like old friends, while I was sitting like a dumb fool not knowing what to speak. All the hell broke loose when one of the senior manager asked "So Vardhan, how do you think, the last over was?” Sitting there without participating in the discussion, I could only guess two things: 1) India is playing this match with some country. 2) He is talking about the 49th over. I quickly dug my hand in pocket and said "Sorry I got a call" in an effort to avoid delivering some absurd comment. "Oh please carry on." he said. "Hey did you activate International roaming" asked the guy sitting next to me. "No" I replied casually drawing the cell phone near to me ear. A dead silence was followed my answer. I suddenly understood the level of stupidity I can achieve. I quickly answered with the dumbest smile that I can ever give "Oh!! it's a remainder. I almost forgot that my cell doesn't work here". I turned to the person who asked me the question "Sorry Shiv, you were telling me some thing". He repeated his question, while all others at the table were paying attention to our conversation. "Oh the 49th over" I passed a banal comment "It was exciting”. There was another dead silence; the people were looking at me as if I committed some blasphemy. It seemed eternity, there are at times you feel that the land cracks and you hide yourself inside. I didn’t know where did I go wrong. "Ok" my Client said breaking the deafening silence with a stiff tone "I am done, shall we move?" We all raised and I caught my Boss and asked. "Boss what happened, why are they looking at me like a criminal". "For God-sake Vardhan" My Boss spoke sternly "It was 20-20 match which they were speaking of". "Jesus Christ!!" I said "But where did I go wrong?”

The circumstances like these proved to be altering my career plans, but never the less could force me to know this game. Over the years and in many of the important phases of my life, cricket has been playing its role by casting its dark shadow on my skills. The importance of cricket in India has reached to such an extent that the community might spare you even if you don’t know which the ruling party is, but not if you miss out naming the last coach of the Indian cricket. I fail to understand why is this nation more bothered about Sachin’s batting scores than Sensex up’s and downs? Dhoni’s run rate than India’s GDP growth? Why all the 100 crore plus population concentrates on one game Cricket? Why does a guy like me deserves a comments (with a pitiful looks) like "oh...you don't know cricket! That's so sad"

Well the above questions can never be answered since the majority of the crowd (110 crore population) is mad about a game and thinks I am mad because I am not mad about this game : ).