Sunday, October 11, 2009

Battle of the Sexes

Following conversation reflects the thought process of a quintessential Indian Boy and Girl (*Conditions Apply*). In an effort to keep the blog short, and to motivate you to go through this, I have decided to limit this post only to the discussion. The Analysis of this discussion will be in my next post. Enjoy reading this post.

It was the break time and she grabbed my hand. "I need to talk to you" she said in a serious tone. "Sorry...I don't have time for that" I replied

"I’ve brought Veg Pulav" she tapped the tiffin box in side her bag giving a winning smile.

I was in sixth semester of my Engineering. She was my class mate, and my room mate's girl friend. A Girl Friend here means the one who can be a potential threat of becoming a lover.

"You think you can buy my time with a box of Pulav?" I asked her annoyingly.

After 5 mins I found myself sitting in front of her, eating the Veg Pulav made by her and listening to her latest fight she had with my room mate. After 15 mins of narration, I was given a chance to speak, rather I assumed that I was given a chance.

She: Is he gone mad?
Me: Was fine till he met you.

She: (Not caring my comment) He fights over any thing and every thing Vardhan. Previously he used to call me to flirt and now he phones me to fight. Why is he doing that? (She bangs her fist on table)
Me: (I paid a tense attention to her giving a puzzled expression, gripping the spoon in my mouth).

She: You know, yesterday I waited for you two to join me for lunch. But you guys went out and I did not even had my lunch yesterday (She put up a face of concatenated and complex expressions)
Me: May I correct. You waited for him, not me and he wanted to have non veg so he went to local Andhra mess. By the way did you tell him that you were waiting for him?

She: NO. I did not, but he should understand it.
Me: Oh.... (Eating Pulav) that bugger did not tell me that he knows mind reading.

She: (With a menacing look) You don't understand this Vardhan. Have you noticed that, he is drinking lot these days and not to mention the number of cigarettes he burns. Can’t' you tell him to stop. I mean he is not bothered about his health...

Me: Why are you telling this to me? You can ask him right?
She: You think he listens to me? Last week, almost every day he boozed and picked up fight with me. I could not even eat or sleep properly because of him. Why do I need to go through it because of this drunkard, I don’t understand (She looks worried)

Me: Forget that drunkard…… marry me
She: What???!!!!
Me: Yes. I can compromise on lot of things in my life to get this Pulav daily.
She: (Smiling) Thanks for the comment, but no thanks for the offer. (Expression changed to anger) And remember never call him a “Drunkard” again.

Me: But, you just said that!!!! (Guiltlessly stuffing my mouth with more Pulav)
She: I can but not you.... Pchhh....You don’t understand Vardhan

Me: Look. Every one has a freedom to make one's choices. It's his choice to drink and smoke and I don’t believe in advising an adult. Moreover, he was the same drunkard and chain smoker before you became close to him. Which means you accepted him as a package with good and bad qualities. Now you are forgetting all the good part and pestering about the bad. Expect only those that can be expected in a relation and don’t try to show the ownership.

She: You are so mean!!!! I am telling you my problems and you support him and lecture me on how to live my life? You don’t understand this Vardhan till you are in Love.

Me: Who said I was never in love. I have innumerable one sided love stories and of them only one girl had a drinking problem, but I accepted that as a package and this weekend we will be going to a pub.Anyway I am done (Slid the empty box towards her).

She: Wait....I need to talk.
Me: (Looking impatiently) Well....hmmm

She: Fine.... (With an annoyed look she takes out another box from bag and thrashes in my hand) curd rice (in a curt voice) and promise me you don’t make fun out of this serious situation.

She: Why does he roam with that witch Neha. You know yesterday my room mate saw these two going on bike.
Me: For obvious reasons, she is hot. Even I want to roam with her. (I started concentrating on curd rice)

She: You don't understand how it feels like and please stop cracking jokes on every thing.(Angry look)What was so important that he had to escort her to a medical store?

Me: You have the answer, its for medicines. By the way can I make one thing clear "Do you love him? or Did he say that he loves you?"(Actually they are one step above to being close friends and one step below to being lovers; it's like being in an In transit phase of a relation.....)

She: You don’t understand Vardhan
Me: (Savoring curd rice with pickle)

She: You know, on my last birth day he had promised that he will not let me shed even a drop of tear at any cost. But you don't know how many times I wept because of him.
Me: (Still enjoying curd rice) hmmm.....

She:I still remember (Shedding few tears instantaneously) and now my birth day is tomorrow and (sneezing in her kerchief) he doesn’t even seem to have planned a surprise gift.
Me: (Licking the box)

She: He doesn’t spend time with me as he was doing before. He treats me like every one else. I am no more special. Are you listening???
Me:(Licking the spoon)

She: I hate it when he plays jokes with girls like that. (Giving an intolerable jealous look) He looks like a flirt only
Me: So…you want him to flirt with boys? Turn him to a gay?

She: (Tiered look)Oh….stop your nonsense.
Me: I don’t understand why you are acting as if you got married to him?

She: @%%@##$$....YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND VARDHAN!!! (She storms out after snatching the tiffin box which now looked spotlessly clean )

“What happened” my room mate entered the scene. “You need to promise one thing” I asked him.

“What?”

“Keep fighting with her at least once in a week, so that I can get to taste the Pulav often.” We broke in to laughter unaware of her reentry.
Battle of the SexesSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

dude! becoz of like u people VIM bar, sabena etc all this produtc r decreasing. u will lick n clean d plates n spoons cleanly.
anywayz it was a nice blog. gud refreshing. awesome. i lenjoyed it...
waiting for ur other posts man. keep rocking kris. and ur blog zindabad!!!